Today was just like any other. I woke up before the kids and got my little exercise of pilates and push-ups in. (I have been horrible at regular exercise so I thought it was a great time to start. I woke up every weekday morning last week and this week before 6:30am. Woot woot!) I rushed to get the kids off to the bus stop and help Aurora get ready for the day. While making lunch Mike text me and said they needed help at the store so me and Auri finished eating lunch with Daddy at Wood Creations and I worked at the front counter for a bit before we had to run off to my OB apt for a regular check up.
My PA (Johanna Rojas, a friend of a friend) is the one I'm seeing until I get further along then I'll see the physician. She started out with the doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. She had a hard time finding it and I said, "Should I be nervous?" She said no that this happens a lot, the placenta was probably in the way. So we went to get an ultrasound to see the baby better. It again took her a while to find the heartbeat. After a little while I said, "Should I be nervous now?" She looked so nervous and said, "Maybe." She left to go find a doctor to get help.
Dr Benham came in and confirmed, yes, the baby died. Darn it. What a sad moment. I listened to him and he explained to us what he thinks happened. The baby's body was all swollen. He is thinking that the baby had Turner's or Down's Syndrome and just didn't make it. It was the beginning of many tears.
I went straight to Mike to tell him the news. I was hoping to maybe find out the sex of the baby today. What a sad moment to share with Mike. Our little sweetheart was just too precious to make it any further. I cried, we talked, laughed, joked, and hugged. It was a good moment with my husband. I told him we have 1 out of 4 children that made it to heaven so far, not too bad odds!
I told the kids when they got home from school. What a tender moment with them. Lincoln was heart broken. Sequoia seemed cool about it, but I know inside she was bummed. Even Auri seemed to understand a bit. Lincoln said, "So maybe the next time you get pregnant it will be twins and we'll have two babies!" Sequoia said that next time we have a baby we have to buy a double stroller (she is still sad I sold ours). I didn't think Auri knew quite what was going on until Mike came home and the first thing she said was, "Dad, our baby died." Awe... Then a bit later she came and rubbed my tummy and said, "They're going to get the baby out of your tummy." Oh man. She knows what's going on.
Mike took the kids to his soccer game while I got myself ready to go to the hospital and have a D&C. My friend Shanell gave me a ride there and Mike met up with me later while his parents put the kids to bed. (They stayed until 10pm, then my next door neighbor Kelcie came over to sleep on the couch so they could go home.) I checked in at 7pm with plans of an 8pm surgery. We seriously waited till midnight to get into surgery. But all went well. The doctor is running some genetic tests on the baby so we will hopefully know what caused the miscarriage. And it will let us know whether she was a boy or a girl. I had to stay after a couple hours to recover then we finally made it home a little after 3am. I was happy to end the day.
I am so sad that I don't get to raise our little baby here on Earth, but my plan I had starting out for the day was definitely not what God had in mind. I'm not angry, sorrowful, or bitter. I'm at peace knowing she is safe and happy. She doesn't have to go through this life with so many trials. I'm grateful she was able to receive her body and that I was able to carry her for a short moment. We've had to readjust some of the future plans we had, but it's ok. I know life never goes as planned or expected so I need to be prepared for change. Oh how we wanted another child! Maybe we'll have the opportunity to have another one some day, but for now, I sure love my 3 little babies I have now:)
I'm amazed at all the love and support we have been shown so far. I was getting a bit overwhelmed from all the texts, visits, and phone calls. It's so strange to be on the receiving end of service. We had 4 freezer meals brought to our home, Dr Pepper delivered, treats, notes, candy, and Annie and Shelly both took Auri so I could rest (Shelly took all 3 kids and brought us dinner tonight, her service never seems to end. She is my RS President). Shelley Cottam came to give me a hug with an 8 pack of little mini Dr Peppers and roses. What a wonderful friend. What wonderful ward members, neighbors, friends and family. Oh my was it hard to tell my sisters and my mom what happened! I think I was sadder for them than for me. I love our bonds and the love we share:)
